By My Side: Desires and Choices

by Chris Thomas

“Probe me, O God, and know my heart; try me, and know my thoughts; See if my way is crooked, and lead me…” – Psalms 139:23-24 (NAB)

When Mark was around twelve years old, he asked if he could sing with the choir at church. It was unusual for such a young person to be part of our adult choir, but they enthusiastically welcomed him, supported and encouraged him. Our family policy when the children were young was that they only have one extra curricular activity at a time. Our aim was to keep the focus on our relationships with each other as a family, allow our children to develop relationships with friends, and make schoolwork a priority. When the kids started middle and high school, their activities expanded. The church choir was the beginning of Mark’s expansion into new areas.

Vocation is more than work or career, though it can and should include these. Vocation is what we are called to do in life and the kind of person we are called to be. The word vocation has its roots in Latin: “vocare”, “to call”. One way that God calls us is through the desires he has placed deep in our hearts. Identifying our natural longings and attractions can help us discover who we are called to be. As parents, I believe we are called not only to develop ourselves, but to support our children as they discover and develop their own vocations.

In choosing extracurricular activities, my husband and I would explore different options for our children and reflect on why we would have them take part. Would they be exposed to new ideas and be stretched in intellectual or physical growth? Would the other children and parents involved be good influences on us and vice versa? An important consideration especially for continuing an activity was to listen to our children. Were they enthusiastic about it? Did they remind us of when they needed to be somewhere or what they needed for practice?

Desires are valuable in discerning one’s vocation, but not the only indicator. Interests and needs are important as well as circumstances and talents. Mark chose to be on the swim team throughout his high school years. To be honest, he only won a few races. It was pretty obvious to us that swimming was not going to be his career choice. But he loved it. He would describe the “zone” of peace and mental clarity he would experience while swimming a hundred laps at six in the morning. Getting up at that hour on a daily basis for years developed a great mental and physical discipline. Though he received only a few medals from winning races, Mark received awards for leadership and ultimately was named an All-American Athletic Scholar – a great achievement still on display at the Texarkana Pool where his team practiced.

At the young age of 24, Mark looks back over his school years and sees God’s fingerprints and guidance in creating who he has become and hopes to become in the future. Swim gave him physical fitness and discipline; schoolwork, an intellectual curiosity; and choir, the beginning of a journey in music. Today the lessons Mark learned in swimming and choir help him in his journey toward vocal athleticism: operatic singing. This fall he will be performing in the chorus of the Minnesota Opera as well as auditioning for resident artist programs and conservatories.

Parent Profile

Margaret Silf in Wise Choices proposes some questions in considering what we really want for ourselves and for our children:

Now take a look at the deeper level of desiring: Is there something you’ve always wanted to do but never managed? What are your unfinished dreams? If you were granted three wishes, what would they be? Take time to ponder these questions. The responses will be pointers to where your deepest desires are rooted.

Our children’s responses will help us know them better and might even be pointers to the desires God has placed on their hearts.