Parents’ Roles In Their Child’s Mental Health
by Dr. Zach King
As parents, we all want our children to be confident, independent, respectful, and well-behaved, but how do we get there?
It’s fairly straightforward when it comes to maintaining good physical health of our kids. If we make sure they eat right, exercise, and get them to the doctor when sick, they do well. However, it becomes more complicated when we start talking about how to make sure they are in good mental health. How can we instill confidence and self respect? Some kids are born with it and it comes naturally, but others struggle. As parents, it is our responsibility to provide our children with a healthy, loving, and nurturing home environment where they can thrive to develop a healthy and strong personality.
Now the million dollar question: how do we create that environment? As with most things, we should strive for a balance when it comes to parenting and avoid the extremes. We shouldn’t let our children do whatever they want to do and never provide structure or discipline. On the other side, we don’t need to act like drill sergeants where the home is cold, rigid, and harsh. Instead, we should strive for consistency and structure. Within that structure there should be a freedom and flexibility that allows for the child to experiment, explore, make choices, fail, and succeed. The parent’s job is to make sure that all of this takes place under the loving umbrella of the home.
Children have always, and will always, push the boundaries to see how far they can get. The parents need to decide where to draw the lines and stick to it. It’s confusing and sends mixed signals to the kids when they are allowed to get away with something one day and get punished for it the next. They will continue to try to push those boundaries until they hit a wall. It may sound like the opposite, but you are showing your children love by keeping those walls consistent and not moving them back whenever they bump into one. It’s the children who grow up in a home where there are no boundaries or walls and the parents do not discipline that end up with personalities that have self confidence replaced with pride, lack of respect for property, and lack of respect for authority.
On the other extreme is the home that is rigid with nothing but walls and no room to grow. These homes yield children with personalities that have been crushed. These children lack self confidence and they don’t respect authority…they fear it. I think we can all agree that either of these children severely lack good mental health and are not what we would want for our children.
There is no doubt that parenting is difficult. There have been times when I have felt like I made the wrong decision and failed as a parent. We will all have times when we feel like that simply because we aren’t perfect: we’re just doing our best to love our children well. Loving our children often means making hard, and often, self-sacrificing choices. It also means we will have to do things that upset our children from time to time because they won’t always agree with us. Another thing to remember is that doing everything for our children and never allowing them to stumble may sound like helping, but in the end it may wind up hurting them. Out in the world, we all fail and we make mistakes often. Guiding our children when they stumble teaches them about real life, gives them experiences to draw from on their own, and the confidence to just keep going. When children make mistakes or fall and we If we know it’s the best for them? It’s the right choice. We are here to guide our children and show them the difference between right and wrong, correct them when they make mistakes, and praise them when they succeed. Our goal is to guide them through life….not drag them. Kids don’t hold us to a standard of perfection. Continuing to try to be the best parent we can be while guiding our children in love will only help our children develop strong and healthy personalities.
Every child and family’s circumstances are different, but here are four simple tips that we hope you may find helpful to build your child’s resilience:
Let them know it is perfectly normal to feel upset or angry sometimes.
As a parent, you can be an emotional role model for your children by showing them how to behave when you’re frustrated or upset – although we know this isn’t always easy!
Make time for fun and “down time”
with your children to help keep some balance. This is also a great opportunity to enjoy some time listening and playing with your child.
Allow your child to learn from their own mistakes with support.
Giving them age appropriate freedoms will help them learn their own limits, and show you trust them to make appropriate decisions.
Get advice and support –
if you’re worried that something has changed with your child, talk to your GP or someone at your child’s school. There is also great advice available for parents online, for instance on MindEd (www.minded.org.uk).
