Dear Teacher Q&A: Quitters, Failing Math, Social Acceptance, Homeschooling

by Peggy Gisler and Marge Eberts

How to Stop Children from Being Quitters

Q: How can I help my third grade son who just gives up at the first sign of difficulty? What can I do to help him stop being a quitter?

A: Children usually start giving up after experiencing a cycle of failures at school. Your son is only in the third grade; he more than likely wants to do well in school. Very sadly, not all bright children succeed in school. Some begin tasks very halfheartedly and give up at the first sign of difficulty. Psychiatrists call this “learned helplessness.” It can happen in the early grades because of emotional immaturity, low frustration level or over-dependency on adults. It also can happen when children start fourth or sixth grades because these are points when learning requires more effort, and some bright children have no strategies for handling difficult assignments and give up too quickly. It’s not easy for these children to overcome the tendency to give up when the going gets tough, but they can with continued help from teachers and parents.

By modeling how to approach a problem and giving specific instructions at every step along the way, parents can help their children learn how to tackle difficult assignments. They will need to teach them:

Effective problem-solving strategies
To look for more than one approach when solving a problem
To retrace their steps to find errors
To use self-talk as a guide for solving problems.

Help Sixth Grader Failing Math

Q: My granddaughter failed math in sixth grade and got a failing grade the first semester in seventh grade. She hasn’t mastered multiplication, and her addition and subtraction skills are poor. She has just been passed along. The school did not have summer school, and the teacher is a poor communicator. I’m trying to work on helping her learn the basic facts. What else can I do?

A: The best thing you can do right now is to see that the child gets the help that she so obviously needs. The individual responsible for this child, whether it is you or a parent, must immediately contact the school to see that help in math begins at once. It would be a good idea to meet immediately with this teacher. Find out why an intervention or testing for a learning disability has not been done.

If you do not receive a helpful response from the teacher, contact a counselor or the principal. This child’s skills sound so weak that an individual tutor or math learning center may be needed. Nothing but serious problems in math are going to occur in the future without considerable help. How will this child ever be able to handle math in high school to fulfill graduation requirements?

You can supply some help to your granddaughter. To work on addition and subtraction, use manipulatives – counters, coins, etc. – so she can actually see problems. If she is strong enough to work on multiplication, try this technique. For a problem like 3 x 4, have her draw three parallel vertical lines and cross them with four parallel horizontal lines and then count the intersections (12) to get the answer.

Do not consider your granddaughter’s math skills strong in any area until she can solve basic addition, subtraction and multiplication facts in three seconds or less.

Is My Middle Schooler Being Socially Accepted?

Q: How can I tell if my middle-schooler is being accepted socially by his peers? He spends a lot of time in solitary pursuits.

A: Simple observation should largely answer your question. Is he texting with friends or talking to them on the phone? Is he asked on outings with other children? Does he interact with neighborhood children his age? Does he participate in sports formally or informally? Does he belong to scouts or any clubs? Does he ever do school projects or homework with others in his class? What does he say about having friends? What does his teacher say about his socialization at school?

Homeschooling Can be Right for Some Children

Q: My son is not doing very well in fourth grade even though he is quite bright. In fact, he has come to hate school. All the homework robs him of the opportunity to participate in sports or take music lessons after school – activities that he really loves. We both want to try homeschooling, as it would give him an opportunity to do more of the things he loves. How can I find out if there are any cooperative homeschooling groups where we live so both of us could have some support?

A: One significant advantage to homeschooling for your son is that children do not need to spend as much time on schoolwork in this environment. This is largely because they are working one-on-one with a parent instead of sharing a teacher’s time with 20 or even more than 30 other students. Being homeschooled would definitely give your son more time to pursue his current interests and even to acquire and pursue new interests.

Another big advantage of homeschooling is that each lesson can be tailored exactly to the child’s needs and interests. In regular classrooms, the teacher is trying to help children with a ride range of abilities, which often means that many lessons will not be appropriate for your child. In the homeschooling atmosphere, children can learn rapidly. Most will outscore their classroom peers on standardized tests.

Homeschool cooperatives are very diverse. No two are exactly alike, as the participating families determine what each cooperative will be like. Some are limited to field trips, study of a specific subject or musical, art or sports groups. Others offer a great variety of options. Most meet once a week. A few offer a complete program of classes taught by parents and others, especially retired teachers.

You can easily find where cooperatives as well as other homeschooling families in your area are by going online and searching for “homeschool” and your area. After talking to homeschoolers, you will be able to determine if homeschooling is a good option for your family.