Holidays with your Aging Parents

By Ben King

Wouldn’t it be great if we were able to see our parents more often and spend good, quality time with them? For many, the ability to see our parents often simply isn’t possible. However, the Holiday Season often brings with it the opportunity to bring family together. When we are not able to see our parents very often, we may not be able to notice declines in their physical or mental health and ability to handle basic daily functions. Long-distance care-givers and family often rely on telephone conversations, maybe video calls, local friends, or closer relatives to monitor a parent’s well-being. These things can easily be disguised when distance is an issue.

Decline in physical and mental health can happen very quickly. Our parents probably do not want to admit to any decline they notice, or they may not recognize any decline at all. Holiday visits are often the only time a child may have to see their parents in person and have the opportunity to pay close attention to their parent’s health. Sometimes this may be advantageous because we look at things with a fresh set of eyes as opposed to family who may be close by and decline is not as obvious to them. 

Below are some things to look for when visiting your parents or other elderly loved ones this Holiday Season:

Changes in Mobility

Pay close attention to how well your parent walks, moves, balances, etc. Does your parent not want to walk in your presence? Do they have a hard time balancing? Is it hard for them to get up and sit down? Do they show signs of pain when walking or moving? If any of these signs are present, it is a good idea to help them schedule an appointment with their doctor to discuss things like physical therapy, mobility aids, in-home care, and maybe even pain management. 

Weight Loss

Significant weight loss is a sure sign of declining health. This could be from an unhealthy diet, depression, dementia, or other illness. Perhaps it is a sign of your parent’s inability to meet their own needs and functional  requirements to prepare their own food. Maybe they are forgetting to eat. Lower energy levels and fatigue may prevent your parent from being able to cook or shop for nutritious food. Perhaps they are on medications that reduce their appetite. If you notice signs of weight loss, help your parent schedule an appointment with their primary care provider.

Changes in Mood and Behaviors

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Do you notice your parent becoming more “moody?” Perhaps they are more easily frustrated or show signs of anger. Maybe they are more confused than usual. Do they appear depressed? Do they maintain their old routines such as exercising when they used to, going to the grocery store, no longer doing a hobby they typically do, getting together with their friends to play dominoes or socialize like they used to? Changes in routines, whatever they might be, should be noted. These are all signs of something more significant. Maybe it is a sign of mental, cognitive, or physical decline. Some of these things are linked to something as simple as a urinary tract infection. Whatever it might be, getting your parent to their primary care provider can help get in front of or mitigate an issue. 

Hygiene

If you notice your parent has declining or poor hygiene this can be a sign of many things, including cognitive decline. Poor hygiene is often a sign of something more serious. This could be something like failing to take showers or baths, not brushing teeth or hair, wearing dirty clothes. Maybe your parent’s home isn’t as clean as it used to be. Is there old food in the refrigerator or pantry that should have been thrown out long ago? 

These are not the only issues to look for, but they are often the most obvious to notice when a long-distance family member comes home for the Holidays. You certainly want to make sure that your time with your parents is fun and enjoyable, but do take the opportunity to do a “check-in” on potential red flags of decline. Depending on the seriousness, it may be something to address immediately, or perhaps it can wait just a bit. Every situation is definitely different. But remember, it is important to address any and all concerns in a timely manner! I hope you don’t notice any of these issues with your parents and loved ones, but if you do, there are resources to help.