Is the Secret to Success Failure?

By Jennifer Jordan

As parents, it is natural to praise our children when they do something well. “You are fantastic! Nobody can beat you!,” we might say to the soccer star. When a child aces a test, a parent may respond with “you are so smart!” We want our children to be confident and feel good about themselves. This praise is meaningful and intended to reward a child, but research shows that this type of feedback may be doing the opposite: focusing or “fixing”the child solely on intelligence or ability and instilling a fear of failure if the child performs less than perfectly.

After repeated 100s, a 90 on a test may generate an “I did terribly” response. This type of attitude suggests that performance reflects self-worth. How can we help children to stay positive and motivated to work through challenges? Research shows that such intrinsic motivation can be developed through cultivating a “growth mindset” rather than a “fixed mindset.”

The term “growth mindset” has been popular in the psychology and education fields for 35 years when renowned Stanford University psychologist Carol Dweck proposed that innate talent and abilities do not always reflect a true measure of success. Instead, Dweck’s years of research about achievement yielded the idea that effort and perseverance drive success. “Sustained effort over time is the key to outstanding achievement,” Dweck stated in an interview with Education World (2005). Rather than having a “fixed mindset” “I cannot change my abilities, so why bother trying to improve” or somewhat worse, “everything comes easy to me, so why bother even trying?”, students with a growth mindset put in the effort and if the effort does not manifest, they focus on ways to bounce back. They do not worry about incompetence. If a student with a growth mindset flunks a test, he may feel frustrated, but he can work through it and ask himself, “what went wrong, and how can I understand my errors to do better?” When you maintain a growth mindset, you are more focused on learning than on proving yourself. You can learn strategies for improvement, overcome obstacles and eventually master a skill.

The next time your child complains with frustration that he will “never get math because he is just not good at it,” encourage him to believe that with determination and continued studying, he can improve his skills. In the same vein, when your child consistently nails her floor rotation, rather than commenting that “she’s perfect”, tell her that her “hard work is paying off”. In this way, if your child does stumble (and she will at some point), she will feel less defeated because she will keep practicing to achieve her goal. Honing a growth mindset revives your grandmother’s old adage, “if at first, you don’t succeed, try, try again”. How can you argue with Grandma?

How to Cultivate a Growth Mindset

Encourage a learning-oriented outlook rather than a performance-oriented one. Mistakes are a learning opportunity and they can only help us to grow stronger. Teach your child from a young age that the brain is a muscle that develops with use.
Remind children not to become hung up on grades (remind yourself, too). Grades do matter, but they reflect only current performance, not self-worth.
Potential cannot be measured, and everyone has potential (which derives from the Latin root for “power”)
Praise your child for his or her determination or focus. Show your child that the process can yield more rewards than the product.
There is usually no “right” way to do something. Children have many learning styles (visual, auditory, tactile, and kinesthetic are the main ones). To determine what type of learning style your child has, search for quizzes on the Internet. Try study strategies that fit your child’s style.
Give your child role models who have worked hard to achieve their success. Basketball legend Michael Jordan famously said, “I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. Twenty-six times, I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeded.”